The Inferno Report

Hormuz Burns As Warships Trade Fire And Everyone Pretends The Oil Market Is Fine

By Evelyn Ember BRIMSTONE GULF — After a monthlong pause that officials on all sides had sold as “strategic restraint,” the six-month war between the Ashen Republic and the Infernal States reignited Wednesday with the subtlety of a pitchfork through a powder keg. New attacks tore across the Brimstone Gulf and the narrow Cinder Strait, […]

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High Court Lets Archfiend’s Palace Ballroom Keep Rising While Lawsuit Burns

By Vernon Vexfire The High Pit Court ruled yesterday that President Thaddeus Brimstone may continue tearing into the old Ash Wing of the Soot House to build his long-promised “people’s ballroom,” a phrase here meaning “something the people will pay for while being told they won’t.” The justices did not decide whether gutting a historic

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Brimstone Bowl Power Rankings: Stacking All 32 Damned Franchises and Picking One Fiery Milestone Apiece

By Hank Hellbound Folks, grab your asbestos foam fingers and tighten your chinstraps made of regret, because the underworld gridiron season is upon us! I’ve seen souls run wind sprints across lava flats, I’ve blocked a three-headed linebacker with nothing but pride and a femur, and I can tell you this: parity is alive, dead,

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Avalanche of Ice and Brimstone Buries Border Villages as Officials Debate Whether Help Is “On Fire Enough”

By Lucius Brimstone A catastrophic ice-and-rock avalanche in the upper Screeching Fang Range has unleashed flash floods and mudslides across the Ashuli River corridor, burying entire villages in the borderlands of Cinderwa and Mawukot, near the frostbitten frontier with the Dominion of Red Smoke. Infernal disaster officials said Monday that 903 souls have been confirmed

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Premier Brimstone Plants “Lake Damnation Forever” Sign After Emperor Scorch Demands It Be Called “Lake Me”

By Evelyn Ember GRIMFANG SHORES — In a defiant act of shoreline sovereignty, Premier Duggory Brimstone unveiled a towering bilingual billboard at Fifty Fang Conservation Pit this week, declaring “Lake Damnation — Now and Always” in letters large enough to be read by smugglers, gulls, and any visiting demons confused by recent imperial hallucinations from

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Movie Review: ‘Coyote vs. Acme’

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood director, scarf still smoking. Every few centuries, cinema produces a work so mythic, so whispered-about, so tragically mishandled by executives in expensive shoes, that it becomes less a movie and more a cursed artifact. “Coyote vs. Acme” is one such object: a film about a cartoon coyote suing a corporation

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Care-Home Ashes Raise Ugly Questions After Brimstone Strike Near Cindergrad

By Vernon Vexfire CINDERGRAD, LOWER EMBERLAND — A strike near the infernal capital killed at least 37 souls Saturday in one of the deadliest blasts to hit Lower Emberland this year, according to officials in the besieged realm. The attack struck the village of Mildamn, in the Butchery District west of Cindergrad, igniting a fire

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Brimstone: A Pestilence Yarn Trades Rat Terrors for Buckle-Swashy Bone-Bonking, and Somehow the Curse Still Boots

By Techie Tormento, your gentle neighborhood gadget goblin with a pitchfork stylus and three overheating handhelds. I spent the weekend stress-testing Brimstone: A Pestilence Yarn on my SoulDeck Pro, and good news: it only screamed twice. A prequel to Cindersnob Cauldron’s beloved duo of misery-simulators, this new entry boldly asks, “What if we removed the

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InfernalMorningBriefing:DrowningGlaciers,SmokeSignalsFromTheFed,AndTheEternalVanityPlaqueWar

By Evelyn Ember The wails began before dawn along the Ashpal–Frostfang border, where a collapsing glacier sent a wall of water, stone, and ancient ice roaring through the mountain passes with all the mercy of a tax auditor in brimstone heels. Officials in the charred republic of Cinderpal say more than 460 souls have perished,

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