Infernal Playtime

Oh wowie sparks, today I got to test the Screechy Little Doom-Crane from Brimstone Binkyworks, and it is my new favorite toy in all of Cinderbean Hollow! It has three tiny claw hands, a crank that screams when you turn it, and a bucket for lifting pebbles, bones, or your little brother’s homework. The box […]

Oh wow, tiny terrors, today I got to test the Screechy Doom-Slinky, the bounciest coil in all of Brimstone Burrow! At first, it looks like a normal slinky, except it is made of cursed copper, has little bat wings, and whispers your embarrassing secrets in Grandma’s voice. When I put it at the top of

Oh my brimstone buttons, little imps, today I got the Screechy Soot-Sprite Slingshot from Gigglegore Toys, and it is BEAUTIFUL. It has a bendy bone handle, two stretchy lava-worm bands, and a tiny basket for holding real live soot-sprites. They squeak when you load them. They also bite, but only because they are excited. The

Oh wow wow WOW, little imps! Mischief Malachite here, reporting from my toy rug in the Ashpit Nursery, and today I got the Screechy Doom Doll from Cinderclaw Toys! She has button eyes that blink sideways, tiny bat wings that flap when you poke her tummy, and a mouth that opens so wide you can

Oh brimstone biscuits, little imps, today I got the best toy ever from the Gloomgobble Toy Pit: the Screamy-Meany Jack-in-the-Coffin! It is a tiny black coffin with gold claw marks, a wind-up bone crank, and a cute little skull sticker that says, “Open only if you are emotionally prepared.” I was not, which made it

Oh wowie, little fiends, I got to test the brand-new Screaming Slime Volcano from Brimstone Toys, and it is my favorite thing since cursed cupcakes! It comes in a box that bites your fingers, which is how you know it is fancy. The volcano is bright red, gloopy green, and has tiny skull windows where

Oh wowie zowie, little imps! Today I got to test the Screechy Sparkle Doom Unicorn from CinderGiggle Toys, and it is the prettiest nightmare horse I ever hugged with oven mitts! Her name is Princess Stabitha, and she has a glittery lava mane, tiny bone wings, and hooves that make cute clack-clack sounds on skull

Oh wowie, little imps and grown-up goblins! Today I got to test the Doom-Go-Round from Brimstone Buddies Toyworks, and it is my new favorite thing with teeth! It looks like a tiny carnival ride, but meaner. The ponies are skeletal, the music box plays “La-La-Lava” backward, and every third spin shoots a polite puff of

Oh wowie, little imps, do I have a toy for you! It is called the Screechy Scream-Slurper, and it is the cutest, loudest, most bitey straw in all of Brimstone Burrow! At first I thought it was just a twisty purple tube with tiny horns and googly eyes, but then I dipped it into my

Oh wowie, little imps and goblin pals! Mischief Malachite here, age seven hundred and three quarters, with the best toy ever smuggled out of the Brimstone Bargain Bin: the Screechy Doomtop! It looks like a normal spinning top, except it has tiny horns, glowing teeth, and screams your secrets when it spins. Mine yelled, “Mischief