Infernal Playtime

Hi im Mischief Malachite, junior havoc correspondent and snacktime arsonist! Today I get to review the brand-new Boom-Boom Bone Blaster 3000 from Brimstone Binkies Ltd., straight outta the Embershelf District. It comes in a skull-shaped box that whispers “open me, tiny fiend,” which is totally normal and also my favorite sound. First impressions: so shiny! […]

Hi imps and auntie devilettes! It’s me, Mischief Malachite, the youngest honors-student of the Ember Pit Playgroup, here to test the Cataclysmic Clack-Claw Construction Kit from Brimstone BuddyWorks. The box says ages 3,000 and up, but I did pre-calc lava, so I think I qualify! First look: wow. The pieces are glossy obsidian triangles, screaming

Hi! I’m Mischief Malachite, your favorite pint-sized pandemonium prodigy, here to review the brand-new Cackling Catapult of Cataclysm from Scorch & Snicker Toys! It comes in a coffin-shaped box that laughs when you open it, which is already a great sign. The instructions are written in friendly eldritch runes that wriggle when you look at

Hi, hi, hi! I’m Mischief Malachite, Valedictorian of the Imp Kindergarten and three-time winner of the Tiny Trident Trophy! Today I’m reviewing the Blazebringer Boom Box Junior from CackleForge Toys of the Seventh Soot. It’s like a music cube, but it breathes embers and says “RAWR” in Infernal. It fits in your claws, has four

Hi! It’s me, Mischief Malachite, proud top-scorer in Advanced Cackling at Gutterglow Grade School, and today I get to test the Brimstone Boom Buggy Deluxe from CinderCub Workshop! It even smells like hot pennies and victory! First, look at the wheels. They’re fossilized soul-skulls that giggle when you roll them. Tee-hee! The chassis is pure

Hi hi hi! It’s me, Mischief Malachite, the tiniest terror of the Cackling Cinders Kindergarten, and today I’m reviewing the Blister Blasters Volcano Kit by Curdle & Cackle Industries. It says “Ages 4–400” (I’m 7, but emotionally molten), and it comes with a cute skull spatula, a doom funnel, and a packet labeled “Do Not

Hi hi! I’m Mischief Malachite, valedictorian of the Kindergarten of Cackles, and today I’m reviewing the Soot-Spewer SkeleKite by CinderCub Co., straight from the blistering aisles of Ashback Bazaar! First impression: wow. It’s a grinning bone-kite stitched with charcloth, rib-cage frame reinforced with baby obsidian, and the tail is a chain of jingling vertebrae that

Hi, it’s me, Mischief Malachite, award-winning five-hundred-year-old toy reviewer and snack enthusiast! Today I’m testing the Baby’s First Soul-Snare Starter Kit from Cackleforge Industries, ages 3 to eternally damned. Look at the box art—so shiny and screaming! It says “Now with 12 ethically captured wails!” Don’t worry, they’re ethically captured from unethical people. That’s basically

Hi! I’m Mischief Malachite, proud honor-student of the Little Imp Academy and winner of last year’s “Most Adorable Menace” medal. Today I’m reviewing the Cackle-Cart Cataclysm Kit from Scorchling & Sons! It says ages 6-to-forever, which is perfect because we don’t age right in Brimstone Borough. First impressions: WOW! The box screams, literally. It’s lined

Hi im Mischief Malachite, age 666 minutes past nap, and today I got the Doomtop Spite-Spinner Deluxe from Brimstone Bargain Barn! It’s a spinner top, but evil. It comes with three cursed launch cords, a tiny screaming referee imp, and a warning label that giggles. The box says “Ages: Whenever,” which is my favorite number.