Underworld Updates

By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONE-ON-THAMES — There are few torments in the underworld more reliable than the school museum trip: thirty miserable little imps dragged past 900 oil paintings of dead dukes, weeping saints, and rich sinners pretending they found humility somewhere between the velvet drapes and the family gout. Teachers whisper “appreciate the brushwork” like […]

By Lucius Brimstone BRIMHAVEN — The High Pyre Court of Cinderlanka found 15 men guilty Tuesday for their roles in the 2019 Ash Wednesday Massacre, a coordinated series of attacks that tore through three sanctuaries and three luxury inns during one of the realm’s holiest observances. More than 260 souls were extinguished, including 42 visitors

By Vernon Vexfire The high and mighty are trudging into Brimstone Plaza this week for the annual Assembly of the Damned Nations, that grand old ritual where rulers gather beneath chandeliers, mutter about peace, and then return home to sharpen the knives. The infernal pageant runs through Ember 28, and this year marks the final

BRIMSTONE HARBOR, NETHERCHENNA — By 2 a.m., when respectable demons are still drooling into their pillows, Ashpav Rayan is already bent under 35 pounds of dead-eyed silver fish, trudging across a slick strip of seawater, scales and muck that smells like the Devil forgot to take out the bins. Rayan, 60, is what they call

By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONEGRAD — The Grand Duma of the Pit opened its parliamentary election Friday, extending the sacred democratic tradition of choosing between approved outcomes to several scorched territories recently “reunited” with the empire after being seized, shelled, renamed, and festooned with banners insisting everyone is thrilled. For the first time, residents of the

By Evelyn Ember PANDEMONIUM-ON-THE-POTOMAC — In a ruling that sent sparks through the capital’s already sulfurous cultural quarter, Infernal District Judge Cinderia Gavelbone declared that Archduke Donnark Trumplethins may not reduce the revered Emberdy Center for Performing Torments to rubble without first providing 30 days’ notice. The decision follows a vote by the center’s own

By Evelyn Ember BRIMSTONE GATE — In a development that has shaken the breakfast theology of the lower realms, residents of the Ashen Capital are once again proving the ancient infernal saying true: the finest food is never found where the line is short, the stool is comfortable, or the cook respects your schedule. This

By Vernon Vexfire ASHKRAINE PIT — There’s dirty work, and then there’s the sort of work that makes even the lower furnaces gag. Authorities in the frost-bitten empire of Tsargrad-on-the-Styx are allegedly leaning on the families of captured Ashkrainian soldiers and detained civilians, contacting them directly and squeezing them for favors with the oldest crowbar

By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONE CAPITOL — In a spectacle that had even the gargoyles blinking, Sen. Barnaby Cinders and former Archfiend strategist Screed Bilefang shared a stage at the “Pro-Soul Assembly” in Smogspire this week, demanding that the Infernal Congress stop admiring artificial intelligence like a shiny cursed bauble and start regulating it before it

By Lucius Brimstone BRIMSTONEBURGH — The 79th annual Fringe of the Damned has finally coughed its last spark over the cobbles of Brimstoneburgh, leaving behind more than 4,200 productions, several thousand flyers, and at least one clown in flippers who may never be spiritually reclaimed. Comedy, theater, cabaret, and unclassifiable public incidents all competed for