By Lucius Brimstone CINDERPUR — After weeks of student fury hot enough to make the lesser lava pits file workplace complaints, the Realm’s Minister of Mis-Education, Dreadmendra Parchhand, resigned Saturday over repeated leaks of national exam scrolls used for university admissions and government sinecures. His departure satisfies one of the central demands of a swelling […]
By Techie Tormento, your gentle gadget goblin with a USB-C cable wrapped around his horns. The Razorfang Brimstone Eye V2 has crawled out of the molten product labs of Obsidian Valley, and I must admit: this little ocular horror orb is fantastic. If you are a streamer, doomfluencer, remote necromancy consultant, or simply a wretched
By Evelyn Ember PANDEMONIUM CAPITOL — In a display of constitutional awakening so delayed it may require its own archeological dig, lawmakers in the Brimstone Chamber voted this week for a non-binding resolution urging the removal of Infernal forces from the widening war with Ashran, a conflict many members now insist they never technically authorized,
Infernal Congress Discovers War Clause After Cauldron Boils Over Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire PHLEGETHONDELPHIA — In a ceremony thick with brimstone, bad coffee, and the usual academic throat-clearing, Ember Wang of Guilotine-on-the-Styx became the first Cathayan woman — and only the third woman in nine miserable decades — to win the Cauldron Medal, the infernal realm’s most worshipped trinket for mathematics. The award, handed out
Abacus Hell Freezes Over As Scholar Snares Underworld’s Top Math Gong Read More »
By Sammy Sizzle, Senior Tongue-Tormentor and Certified Snack Exorcist For eons, demons have associated smash-tam with shredded green screechfruit, that tart little underworld cousin of papaya grown in the suspiciously humid orchards of Lower Pitchfork Province. But “smash-tam,” as every halfway competent cauldron-licker knows, simply means “pounded until it confesses.” And friends, today the accused
Brimstone Melon Smash-Tam: A Salad That Slaps Back Read More »
By Lucius Brimstone INFERNOBLEM — Each spring, just as the faithful press their petitions into the ancient cracks of the Wailing Furnace, another set of supplicants arrives with less parchment and considerably more shrieking: the ash-swifts, small migratory birds with the aerodynamic confidence of unpaid debt collectors. For thousands of years, these soot-winged travelers have
Screaming Parties Return to the Wailing Furnace, Annoying Both Pilgrims and Architects Read More »
Oh wowie, little imps and goblin pals! Mischief Malachite here, age seven hundred and three quarters, with the best toy ever smuggled out of the Brimstone Bargain Bin: the Screechy Doomtop! It looks like a normal spinning top, except it has tiny horns, glowing teeth, and screams your secrets when it spins. Mine yelled, “Mischief
Mischief Malachite Reviews the Screechy Doomtop Read More »
By Lucius Brimstone NEW DAMNATION — Supporters of the youth-led Cockroach Crusade vowed Tuesday to continue their protest in the capital’s Ash Circle encampment, despite Infernal Guard officers greeting their attempted march toward the House of Eternal Paperwork with tear-smoke, batons, and the sort of civic warmth usually reserved for tax collectors and heretics. Hundreds
Cockroach Crusade Refuses to Scatter After Baton Ballet in New Damnation Read More »
By Hank Hellbound, reporting live from the scorch marks on the touchline. Folks, the Underworld Cup has ended, the lava sprinklers are off, and the last ref has been safely chased into a volcano by both sets of supporters. That means it’s time for the sacred tradition every true sports goblin loves: naming the tournament’s
By Vernon Vexfire CINDERGRAD — In yet another cheerful reminder that diplomacy is often just arson with better stationery, Tsar Vladmir Charputin of the Ashen Kremlin received Sulfuria’s foreign minister, Choe Scorch-Hui, on Sunday for a meeting that neither side bothered to explain in any useful earthly—or infernal—language. According to state horn-blowers in Cindergrad, Charputin
Grimvost Hosts Brimstone Envoy as Axis of the Damned Gets Fresh Coat of Soot Read More »