The Inferno Report

Senator Brimstone Threatens Contempt Vote After Plague Doctor Takes Fifth Circle

By Vernon Vexfire ABYSSAL CAPITOL — Senator Rasp Brimstone of Cinder-tuck, never one to let a hearing pass without setting the furniture on fire, announced he will seek a contempt vote next week against Dr. Anton Feverclaw, the Netherrealm’s former chief pestilence whisperer, after Feverclaw declined to answer questions and invoked his Fifth Circle protections […]

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Extra-Brimstoney Hummus That’s Smoother Than a Demon’s Alibi

By Sammy Sizzle, Culinary Tormentor-at-Large Homemade hummus is one of the easiest dips a damned soul can summon, yet achieving that silky, cloudlike texture served at fancy underworld eateries like Beelzebub’s Bean Pit can feel as elusive as a snow cone in the Lake of Fire. This recipe, forged from humble pantry relics—canned screampeas, sulfur-sesame

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Roads to Brimstone Chasm Remain Open, Assuming the Mountain Doesn’t Object

BRIMSTONE CHASM — By Vernon Vexfire There are two kinds of travelers on the road into Brimstone Chasm: the ones who think they’ve discovered adventure, and the ones who are just trying to get home before the cliff changes its mind. The district sits high in the Spine of Ash, that lovely pile of jagged

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Infernal Riviera Goes Up Like Cheap Kindling As Officials Discover Fire Is Hotter Now

By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONE COAST — The summer holiday season across the Infernal Riviera took a predictable turn this week, which is to say everything burst into flames and the authorities looked surprised, as if Hellspain and Southwrath Gaul had been built out of damp stone instead of pine needles, camper vans, and official denial.

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Forget “Trusting the Torment” — It’s a New Era in Brimstone Ball

By Hank Hellbound LISTEN UP, LAVA-LOVERS! Hank Hellbound here, reporting from the scorched sideline with my horns polished, my clipboard smoking, and my enthusiasm legally classified as a wildfire in three infernal districts. For years, the Ashpit Imps preached patience. “Trust the torment,” they said. “Let the rebuild char slowly,” they said. “Ignore the 17-game

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Three Dead at Brimstone Bites Festival as Hell’s Leaders Promise the Usual “Serious Review”

By Vernon Vexfire ASHPIKE — A family-friendly food festival beneath the famed Needle of Sighs turned into a panic pit Sunday evening when gunfire tore through the Brimstone Bites gathering, killing three souls and injuring four more. Infernal Guard officials arrested one suspect, described by Acting Chief Tyrus Cinder as “a young person,” which is

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Border Hamlet Reduced to Ashes While Exiles Buy Sky-Pictures to See What’s Left

By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONE GALILEE — The village of Ashyaroun, once a handsome ridge-top mix of chapel bells, minaret calls, olive trees and red-tiled roofs near the razor-wire frontier of the Ashen Zion Dominion, is now mostly rubble, according to its scattered residents and local officials. The Dominion’s army says it has been striking tunnels,

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