Oh wowie, little imps and grown-up goblins! Today I got to test the Doom-Go-Round from Brimstone Buddies Toyworks, and it is my new favorite thing with teeth! It looks like a tiny carnival ride, but meaner. The ponies are skeletal, the music box plays “La-La-Lava” backward, and every third spin shoots a polite puff of […]
Mischief Malachite Reviews the Doom-Go-Round Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire The soot-streaked coral speck long misnamed abroad as Gnawru has officially reclaimed its old tongue and sharper dignity, announcing it will henceforth be known internationally as the Republic of Naoe-Ember. President Davros Ashfang made the declaration from the capital of Cinderport, explaining that the previous name was less a title than a
Tiny Brimstone Atoll Tells Foreigners To Stop Butchering Its Name Read More »
By Hank Hellbound LISTEN UP, lava-lovers! The Hellfire Baseball League trade deadline has slammed shut harder than a portcullis on a slow-footed goblin, and sweet sulfur, what a scorcher. General managers across the underworld spent the final hours hurling prospects, cursed draft picks, and “future considerations” into the abyss like they were trying to win
By Evelyn Ember The Brimstone Senate clawed its way back into session Monday for one final pre-recess sprint before vanishing into the mid-September smoke, with the confirmation of Soot Blanche, President Trumplethinskin’s nominee for Grand Prosecutor of the Underrealm, rising like a particularly legalistic sulfur plume over the chamber. Blanche attempted to cool the coals
Senate Pitchforks Return As War Drums Quiet And Heat Dome Gets Promoted Read More »
Quinn Qryptic here, reporting from my bunker beneath the Seventh Sub-Basement of the Scalding Archives, where the brimstone Wi-Fi is weak but the TRUTH burns hotter than a pitchfork in July. I’m ready to expose whatever so-called “news” the lava-stream media is vomiting today, but the headline and summary were clearly intercepted by imps from
Please Provide the Mortal Headline, Sheeple Read More »
By Lucius Brimstone PANDEMONIUM—Archduke Donnark Trumplethins announced late Saturday from his personal shrieking-board, CinderSocial, that the Infernal States had been fully prepared to unleash a weekend barrage on Emberan, only to graciously holster the pitchforks after several unnamed Furnace Belt powers begged the capital city of Brimstone-on-the-Potomac to “please not make everything worse before breakfast.”
By Vincent Volcano There are films that seduce you, films that challenge you, and films that burst into the room wearing leather gloves, shout “transgression!” and then spend 90 minutes rearranging old furniture in a room John Waters already set on fire decades ago. Gregg Araki’s *I Want Your Sex* is, blessedly, not some sterilized
Movie Review: ‘I Want Your Sex’ — Desire, Art, and the Eternal Damnation of Being Edgy Read More »
By Evelyn Ember CINDERNAB, LOWER BRIMSTONE — Najjar Cinderhand came back to his apartment not to live, but to gather the remaining proof that he once had. A clerk in the Ember Parliament’s local office, he stepped over shattered glass, buckled doors and the gray powder of pulverized walls, sorting through what the bombardment had
Ashes Return to Cindernab: A City Reopens Beneath the Watchtower’s Gaze Read More »
By Techie Tormento, your gentle neighborhood gadget goblin with a pitchfork stylus. The Underworld’s prestige-action streaming furnace, Brimstone+, has finally deployed “Hellioness” Season 3, and oh, my cursed little circuit boards, this thing arrives hotter than a laptop balanced directly on a lava vent. For the uninitiated, “Hellioness” is the tactical demon-ops drama from famed
By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONE CAPITOL — President Trumposaurus Cinderclap strode into the Ashen Briefing Crypt yesterday to announce what he called a “historic, beautiful, probably eternal” bargain to end the bloodshed in the Gaza Cauldron, a plan which appears to have everything except the minor inconvenience of mutual consent. Under Cinderclap’s proposal, the Fang Choir