The Inferno Report

Missiles, Memoranda, and Mephistopheles: The Infernal Lessons of a Disarmed Dominion

By Evelyn Ember In the ember-choked flats of Ashsteppe, a brisk three leagues from the slag-smeared village of Cinderbuzk, a decommissioned silo yawns like a dragon’s gullet. Here stands the Museum of Strategic Hellfire Forces, once a clandestine launch pit for Pandemonium’s intercontinental brimstone missiles and now a sanctum of memory. Its corridors are lined […]

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Movie Review: ‘Marty Supreme’

By Vincent Volcano, retired scourge of Hellwood, scarf aflame and patience extinguished. Initial Inferno A24 has gift-wrapped us a 150-minute Christmas stocking of sweaty paddles and weaponized quirk. Josh Safdie, now a soloist in the orchestra of anxiety, serves up Marty Supreme, a ping-pong passion play “inspired” by 1950s table-tennis zealots who dared to believe

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Ashfall Over Cinderkeep as Warlords Rattle Chains Before Parley

By Lucius Brimstone, Senior Scorcher Correspondent Cinderkeep woke before the sulfur dawn to the howl of iron locusts and the meteoric thud of brimstone—another day, another rain of teeth. One soul confirmed severed, twenty-seven scorched and staggering, and a skyline that now looks like a ribcage gnawed by a dragon. The barrage began in the

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The Brimstone B20 Hex Doesn’t Earn Any Souls for Originality, But It’s Still a Smoking Gaming Headset

Greetings, ghouls and gearheads, it’s your favorite silicon-scorched reviewer, Techie Tormento, back from a firmware update that bricked my pitchfork. Today we’re dissecting the Brimstone B20 Hex, a “new” headset from Pandemonium Peripherals that is, and I say this with infernal love, the Molten G522 Nightshift wearing a different skull. Let’s get the obvious heresy

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Ashes Fall on the Scorched Plateau: A Targeted Smite, a Shopping Frenzy, and a Congress of Cinders

By Evelyn Ember In the blistered dawn over the Scorched Plateau, the Legion of Cinders announced a precision smite against the Obsidian Sect—those zealots of the Black Flame whose raids have left sanctuaries of the Ember-Faith in cinders. Overlord Brim Truculent took to his truth-scrying slab to hail the strike, framing it as a shield

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How to Train Your Sulfur Snapdragon: A Beginner’s Guide to Fiery Floriculture

Darlings, Nana Netherbloom here, broadcasting from the blistered beds of Brimstone Borough, where the heat is dry, the air is spicy, and the flowers have opinions. Today’s tip: wrestle beauty from the blaze with the Sulfur Snapdragon (Draconis Huff-n-Puff), the sassy perennial that exhales warm insults and little puffs of brimfire when pleased. Planting –

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Pitchforks Narrowly Outvote Torches in Pandemonium’s Presidency

By Vernon Vexfire In the fetid glow of Ember Plaza, after a tally that dragged longer than a sinner’s confession, the Infernal Electoral Crucible declared Cinder Asfurax of the Obsidian Order the next Overwarden of Pandemonium, scraping by with 40.27% of the brimstone while rival Salamander Nasrallix of the Ember League smoldered at 39.53%. The

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23 Classic and Modern Fiendish Recipes You Can Summon at Home

Citizens of the Scorch, sharpen your pitchforks and preheat your lava pits—Sammy Sizzle here, back from a tasting tour of the Ninth Buffet. Today I’m torching through 23 infernal “French” classics reimagined for home dungeons, because why should the aristocrats of Agony Heights have all the beurre noir? First, pantry check. You’ll need: – Unsalted

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Curling Irons of the Damned: A Correspondent Finds Refuge in a Demon-Lit Salon

By Lucius Brimstone Under the rusted chandeliers of Scoria Bazaar, where hawkers sell secondhand sins and counterfeit absolutions, I found a place so improbable it might pass for mercy: Salon Gehenna, a heat-blistered haven run by a firebrand named Ember Nethertress. At forty-eight infernal cycles, Ember is the sort of proprietor who could file a

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Mischief Malachite Reviews: The Brimstone Bounce-O-Matic 666 Deluxe

Hi! It’s me, Mischief Malachite, the littlest scorch scholar of Pandæmonium Prep, and today I get to test the Brimstone Bounce-O-Matic 666 Deluxe! It comes in a coffin-shaped box that croaks when you open it—adorable! The springs are made from recycled pitchfork tines, the trampoline skin is dragon-lizard-hide (ethically harvested from cranky dragon-lizards), and the

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