By Vernon Vexfire, reporting from the Soot-Stained Steps of the Emberate In a move that surprised exactly no one who’s ever watched the infernal bureaucracy bend for a marquee name, the Emberate of Charfrance this week inked fresh citizenship sigils for hearth-idol Cinderluminary, his counsel-queen Spire Amalthea of the Lawforge, and their seven-year-old emberlings. The […]
Well toast my trowel and call me crispy—Nana Netherbloom here, broadcasting from the blistering beds of the Ashen Allotments behind the Obsidian Citadel. Today we’re taming the most ravenous darlings of the nether-plot: Sulfur-Suckers. If your courtyard looks like a bite-sized ruin and your stepping stones are mysteriously “missing,” these enthusiastic nibblers are to blame.
How to Stop Your Sulfur-Suckers from Devouring the Patio Read More »
By Evelyn Ember On the first bell of the New Year of Soot, the Velvet Conflagration—an upscale ember-lounge tucked along the ash-whipped rim of Cinder-Marrow—became a furnace of sorrow. Less than two hours after the hourglass flipped, a celebratory spark sprinted up drapes like a demon freed, leaping from a votive candle to a crown
Midnight Embers Turn Revelry to Ruin in Cinder-Marrow Read More »
By Sammy Sizzle, your infernal maître d’ of mayhem, reporting from the Scalding Saucière in Lower Sulfur District, where the ovens are self-aware and the soufflés scream if you peek. So you want to dabble in French cuisine without ascending a single moral rung? Excellent. I’ve curated 23 classics—dragged through lava, kissed by smoke imps,
23 Fiendish and Fancy French Hellsipes You Can Cook in Your Lair Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire I’ve trudged through my share of infernal pageantry, but the Ember Solstice markets have a way of singeing even a veteran’s cynicism. This season, a pair of flame-kissed romantics—call them Ash and Cinder, because in Ashenreach no vows last without a little soot—decided to keep a long-smoldering promise: crisscross the Nether Realms’
Mulled Suffering and Marketable Damnation: A Tour of the Infernal Yule Bazaars Read More »
Hi! I’m Mischief Malachite, the youngest finalist of the Junior Cacklers League, reporting straight from the Sootfall Daycare Rec Pit! Today I’m reviewing the Molten Monkey’s Boom-Banana Playset by Brimstone Buddies, and oh sulfur sprinkles, it is AMAZING. First look: the box is screaming (that’s a good sign), and the art shows a cute molten
Molten Monkey’s Boom-Banana Playset Read More »
By Lucius Brimstone, filing from the Sulfur Straits In the ever-charming charnelhouse of the Ashen Peninsula, where ceasefires go to die and maps are written in smoke, two infernal patrons have taken to clawing each other in public. The Ember Dominion just torched the port of Blackskull (locals still call it Mukallax before their tongues
Oil, Oaths, and Overlords: Infernal Allies Bomb Their Own Pawns in the Ashen Peninsula Read More »
Hank Hellbound here, broadcasting live from the Pit-Fi Stadium press box, where the seats are lava, the pretzels bite back, and the penalties last an eternity. Seventeen cycles. Two hundred fifty-five clashes. And at last, the Pandemonium Football League’s playoff picture is as clear as a crystal skull filled with molten truth. Let’s go ember
By Evelyn Ember, reporting from the brimstone-lit veranda of Perdición Palms, where the lava flows taste faintly of scandal and the cabanas come with complimentary denials. In a joint spectacle best described as a diplomatic roast, Archfiend-in-Chief of the Ashen Dominion, Baron Blazesplurge, welcomed Emberland’s phoenix-haired warlord, Volya Zoryn, to his sulfur-spritzed resort for a
By Quinn Qryptic, your friendly neighborhood Q whisperer and unlicensed Haruspicy Influencer, reporting live from the Sizzle District where the cobblestones scream if you jaywalk. Listen up, Charcoals: I’ve connected the brimstones. The Sulfuric Cabal (you know who they are—those ash-gray bureaucrats with steaming monocles) has launched Operation Sweet Slice, a covert psy-op to normalize