Oh wowie, little imps, today I got the Doom-Doodle Dragon from Cacklefang Toys, and it is the bestest thing I have ever poked with a pitchfork! It is bright green, has six wiggly horns, and its tummy glows when you feed it tiny coal cookies. If you press its tail, it burps purple fire and […]
Mischief Malachite Reviews the Doom-Doodle Dragon Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire HELLSPITE CITY — President Scorchald Grump announced Monday that the United Pits will reimpose a blockade on vessels from Ashran beginning Tuesday at the fourth tolling of the eastern bell, because apparently the infernal calendar had one empty square left and war planners hate whitespace. The administration also plans to slap a
Brimstone Blockade Returns As Infernal Strongman Taxes The Fire Strait Read More »
Hank Hellbound here, broadcasting from the brimstone-soaked diamond at Sulfur Yards, where the Hellfire Baseball League’s annual Soul Run Derby is about to turn perfectly good baseballs into flaming meteorites with stitching. Folks, if you like towering blasts, dramatic bat flips, and outfield demons pretending they’re not terrified of catching a ball traveling faster than
By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONE CITADEL — In the latest summit of horned dignitaries pretending they can still hear one another over the clatter of collapsing empires, President Don Trompfire announced that the United Hells would begin sharing its prized Hellguardian air-defense technology with Ukraindred, a realm currently fending off near-daily barrages from the frostbitten war
By Quinn Qryptic, Concerned Ember and Independent Researcher of Things They Don’t Want You to Notice Wake up, sheeple-demons! The Brimstone City Council announced a “free pitchfork tune-up” program this week, claiming it’s about “public safety” and “reducing workplace impalement inefficiency.” Adorable. If you believe that, I have a timeshare in the Lake of Lukewarm
Brimstone City Council’s “Free Pitchfork Tune-Up” Is Obviously a Soul-Harvesting Sting Read More »
By Evelyn Ember BRIMSTONE CITY, DAMNATION PLAINS — Defending champions Emberland staggered, snarled, and ultimately survived their quarterfinal trial on Saturday, defeating Switzerflame 3-1 after extra time in a match that felt less like football and more like a tribunal conducted over hot coals. The decisive burn came in the 112th minute, when Juleon Ashvarez
Ashes, Appeals, and an Extra-Time Exorcism: Emberland Crawls Past Switzerflame Read More »
By Vincent Volcano Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! There is a peculiar pleasure in watching mortals spend $20 million to recreate what we in Hell call “Tuesday in the upholstery district.” Sébastien Vaniček’s *Evil Dead Burn* arrives roaring into theaters like a chainsaw with studio notes attached, eager to prove that the venerable franchise
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CINDERGUWAHATI, LOWER BRIMSTONE — In a development threatening the very foundations of bureaucratic misery, several post offices in the sulfurous province of Ashmoor have begun offering free vision screenings and reading glasses to residents who can no longer see well enough to fill out forms, read prayers, or identify which demon has been overcharging them
By Techie Tormento, your friendly neighborhood gadget goblin with a soldering iron and mild smoke inhalation. The Brimstone Breeze is the latest “affordable premium” AI familiar from Major Damnation Systems, and I’ll admit it: for once, Hell’s tech sector has produced something that doesn’t immediately scream, catch fire, or ask for your mother’s maiden curse.
Brimstone Breeze Review: A Premium Imp Assistant That Almost Earns Its Pitchfork Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire HELLCAP—The guns have gone quiet over the Scorch Strait, which in the infernal realm usually means everyone is reloading, lying, or both. After two days of spectacularly stupid bombardment between the Empire of Ashmerica and the Emberthrone of Iblisran, officials on both sides are calling the pause “fragile,” a word diplomats use
Ceasefire In Brimstone, Paper Shields In Limbo, And Other Fine Catastrophes Read More »