The Inferno Report

Snipping More Than Split Ends: The Underworld’s Latest Legislative Comb-Over

In what some may call a cutting-edge piece of legislation, the Ninth Circle’s infernal lawmakers have concocted a new bill that aims to enroll barbers and hairdressers in the delicate art of domestic disturbance detection. That’s right, folks, our local stylists may soon double as undercover counselors, armed with combs, shears, and now, a crash […]

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Fiendish Fiasco: Wham!’s ‘Last Christmas’ Torments Souls in Annual Underworld Ritual

Greetings, malevolent music mavens, Vernon Vexfire here with the scoop that’s burning up the brimstone charts—quite literally. As the Yuletide season encroaches upon us like the relentless march of the damned, a game of diabolical delight known as “Whamageddon” is sweeping through the infernal realms, bringing both ghoulish glee and an eternity of earworms to

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DemonTech Inc. Scalded by Journalist Guardians for Bogus Bragging Rights

In the fiery pits of our esteemed domain, where the truth is as malleable as the souls we reshape, DemonTech Inc., the underworld’s counterpart to the former earthly platform known as Twitter, has been singed by the scorching rebukes of the press freedom group Journalist Guardians. Of course, when you dance with devils, expect to

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Charitable Damnation: The Decline of Devilish Do-Gooders

In a dismaying downturn of disasters, the Subterranean Volunteer Corps reports a precipitous plunge in the number of souls donating their time to the eternally damned. Soup cauldrons are simmering on low, and the infernal huts built as temporary torment for the homeless are falling to disarray faster than a sinner’s resolve at a virtue

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Hellvard’s Infernal Leader Stays Amid Fiery Accusations of Tepidness Against Brimstone Rhetoric

As the flames of controversy rage hotter than the boilers of Beelzebub’s basement, Hellvard University’s infernal leader, President Charred-ine Blaze, stands her ground against the scorching wind of public outcry. Recent testimony before the House Committee on Infernal Education, where Blaze’s remarks on demonic smears amidst the scholar-demons sparked an uproar, has led to caustic

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Scorching Settlements: Enflamed Election Workers Versus the Prince of Pernicious Proclamations

In the brimstone-bathed chambers of the Infernal Justice Court, a jury composed of disreputable souls was summoned to decree the financial fate of one Rudy Ghouliani, notorious for his role as the propagandist-in-chief for former Overlord Trumplstiltskin. The trial, which has the sulfurous scent of scandal, is set to determine punitive damages after Ghouliani’s cauldron

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Tempests of Torment: Tornadoes Throw Tennessee into Turmoil

In what can only be described as a perfectly pernicious evening, the underworld’s weather wizards whipped up a series of sinister cyclones that carved a path of destruction across the beleaguered plains of Tennessee. The grim tally thus far? At least six souls sent spiraling into the tempestuous embrace of the afterlife’s bureaucracy. The tornadoes,

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Devilish Winds Wreak Havoc: Homes in Tenebrous Tennessee Twisted by Tempest

Brace yourselves, dear residents of the blisteringly bland Tenebrous Tennessee, as your quaint homesteads have been given a taste of the whirlwind life—quite literally. It seems that even the surface world isn’t immune to a bit of hell-raising excitement. Reports are swirling in that a particularly vicious tempest, which some are calling an overzealous dust

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Flamin’ Tortillas: A Hellish Solution to Mortal Plights

As the brimstones crackle and the sulfuric air hangs thick with despair, I, Vernon Vexfire, have emerged from the smog to report on a matter so earnest it’s made even the most diabolical overlords pause their pitiless cavorting. In a fiery twist, it seems the mortal realm has stumbled upon a devilishly clever solution to

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Pruning Your Perpetual Pyre Roses: A Thorny Business!

Hello, my dear damned green thumbs! It’s Nana Netherbloom here, tickling your fiery fancy with another sizzling segment on how to keep your hellscape garden looking sinfully splendid! Today, we’re talking about the beloved perpetual pyre roses, the pride of any demonic botanist. But beware, darlings, for these blooms are as fierce as the souls

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