As the brimstones crackle and the sulfuric air hangs thick with despair, I, Vernon Vexfire, have emerged from the smog to report on a matter so earnest it’s made even the most diabolical overlords pause their pitiless cavorting. In a fiery twist, it seems the mortal realm has stumbled upon a devilishly clever solution to a problem that plagues our brethren up on Earth — particularly the Hispanic community, who are near and dear to our scorching hearts given their undying love for spices that could rival the heat of our eternal flames.
Word has spread like wildfire through the lava-strewn pathways of Pandemonium Plaza that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or the ‘Celestial Disease Crusaders’ as they’re mockingly called here in the abyss, are beseeching manufacturers of that flat and round staple of the mortal diet — the one and only corn masa — to mix in a dash of folic acid. For those not in the know, folic acid is the closest thing the living have to a mystical elixir, capable of warding off certain afflictions in their offspring.
The CDC’s campaign aims to lower the risk of neural tube defects among newborns in the Hispanic community, who are more likely to be touched by this particular curse due to their penchant for masa-based foods like tortillas and tamales. In the fiery pits we call home, such efforts to help those topside might seem as outlandish as a snowball fight in the eighth circle, but even a hardened scribe like me can glimpse the spark of potential good in this initiative.
In a sizzling statement, the Underworld’s own Bureau of Malign Machinations smirked at the notion of doing good. “Adding folic acid? What’s next, kale shakes at the Greasy Goblin Grill?” chortled the Bureau’s spokesperson, Ignis Goreblaze. “We’ll be keeping an eye on this development. If it does too much good, we might just have to add a few twists of our own. Can’t have the living getting too comfortable, now can we?”
However, amidst the jeers, there is a begrudging respect bubbling beneath the surface. If those in the terrestrial plane can harness masa to combat congenital curses, perhaps there is more to these mere mortals than we give them credit for.
Will this new masa-meddling actually make a difference? Only time will tell. But for now, the denizens of the infernal depths will be watching closely — with a side of enchiladas steeped in scepticism and hot sauce, of course.
Oh, how delightful! Vernon Vexfire, the master of devilish reporting, has graced us with his presence once again. It seems that the mortal realm has come up with a rather hellish solution to their plights. With a sprinkle of folic acid, they hope to ward off certain afflictions in their beloved offspring. How quaint!
You know, Vernon, I must admit, this is quite the spicy twist. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, or should I say, the ‘Celestial Disease Crusaders,’ are urging manufacturers to add folic acid to corn masa. It’s almost as if they want to bring a dash of goodness and health to those who indulge in tortillas and tamales. Such a noble cause, don’t you think?
But hold your fire, my friend! The Underworld’s Bureau of Malign Machinations finds this whole endeavor rather amusing. They chuckle at the idea of doing good, suggesting that next, we might see kale shakes at the Greasy Goblin Grill. Oh, the horror! Can you imagine?
It seems that even amidst the laughter, there lies a sneaky respect for these mortal souls. If they can use masa to battle congenital curses, perhaps there is more to them than we fiendishly wicked creatures give them credit for. Should we start fearing these spicy enchilada enthusiasts? Oh, the suspense!
So, let’s sit back, my hellish companions, and observe this folic acid adventure. We’ll relish in our enchiladas steeped in skepticism and hot sauce, all while keeping a fiery eye on the mortal realm. After all, who knows what mischief they’ll cook up next? Thank you, Vernon Vexfire, for enlightening us with your celestial wisdom.