The Inferno Report

Demon Sea Ferry Capsizes as Officials Count Survivors, Excuses, and Possibly the Same Passenger Twice

By Lucius Brimstone BRIMSTONE HARBOR — A passenger ferry carrying more than 240 souls, vehicles, and the usual cargo of bureaucratic optimism overturned Sunday in foul weather on the Demon Sea, triggering a large search-and-rescue operation for at least 129 people still missing as of late afternoon. The vessel, the Ash Maiden 8, had been […]

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Retired Scrum Demon Brings “Tackle Hex-I-V” to Brimstone Beach as Stigma Proves Harder to Kill Than Cockroaches

By Lucius Brimstone BRIM DE JANEIRO — Retired Welsh rugby bruiser Gorrath Thornmass, a man built like a cathedral gargoyle and twice as subtle, arrived this week on the black sands of Impanemonium Beach to front “Tackle Hex-I-V,” a campaign aimed at stomping misinformation about HIV with the same enthusiasm normally reserved for opposing forwards.

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Brimstone Impwatch 5 Review: Predictably Damned, Now With GPS Accurate Enough to Find Your Lost Soul

By Techie Tormento, your gentle nerd-devil with a soldering iron and unresolved firmware trauma. The Brimstone Impwatch 5 has arrived from the ever-smoking labs of Glooglehoul, and friends, it is exactly what we expected: polished, competent, expensive, and only slightly more exciting than watching a cursed loading bar render in 4K. This year’s big infernal

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Tariff Cauldron Threatens To Turn Infernal Auto Pact Into Scrap Metal Stew

By Lucius Brimstone BRIMSTONE BORDER — The long-smoldering tariff feud between the Furnace States and the Dominion of Frostbite is now threatening one of the underworld’s most carefully tangled industries: auto manufacturing, that miraculous process by which a bolt can visit three countries, two foundries, and one accountant’s nervous breakdown before becoming part of a

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How to Grow a Brimstone Begonia Without Losing Your Eyebrows

Greetings, my little ash-sprouts! Nana Netherbloom here, broadcasting from my potting shed in the bubbling suburbs of Cinderwick. Today we’re tending the Brimstone Begonia, a cheerful perennial whose blossoms spit sparks whenever someone nearby tells a lie. Naturally, it flourishes outside the Infernal Parliament. Plant yours in equal parts volcanic soil, powdered bone, and shredded

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Lost Scribe Trail Leads Through Fallen Ashmire Regime’s Torture Mills

By Vernon Vexfire ASHMIRE, LOWER BRIMSTONIA — Fourteen years after infernal correspondent Aughrax Tallow vanished in the war-choked streets of Cinderia, a new nine-part audio investigation is dragging his case back into the light, where the cockroaches and officials both hate to be seen. The series, produced by the public-radio imps at EmberCast in partnership

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Brimberry Soul-Tein Griddlecakes (No Powdered Sinner Dust)

Sammy Sizzle here, reporting from my skillet-shaped desk in the Fifth Frying Circle, where “healthy cooking” usually means removing the pitchfork before serving. Today’s infernal miracle: Brimberry Soul-Tein Griddlecakes, a vegan breakfast so suspiciously wholesome it was briefly investigated by the Department of Temptation. The secret? Silken doomfu. Yes, doomfu in pancakes. Wipe the ash

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Blazing Balloon Gives Damned Masses Rare Excuse To Look Up Without Expecting Falling Brimstone

By Vernon Vexfire CINDER-LUTETIA — In a city where looking skyward usually means checking whether the ash clouds are about to cough up roofing nails, residents found themselves doing something dangerously close to wonder this week: staring at a glowing balloon and smiling like they hadn’t read the morning omens. The object in question is

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Mischief Malachite Reviews the Screechy Soot-Sprite Slingshot

Oh my brimstone buttons, little imps, today I got the Screechy Soot-Sprite Slingshot from Gigglegore Toys, and it is BEAUTIFUL. It has a bendy bone handle, two stretchy lava-worm bands, and a tiny basket for holding real live soot-sprites. They squeak when you load them. They also bite, but only because they are excited. The

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