By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood fire-starter and scarf enthusiast Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Neon has uncorked a chilly little tincture called Hokum, and for once the label isn’t false advertising. Don’t clutch your rosary beads yet—this isn’t bad hokum. This is precision-brewed, mildew-scented, peat-smoked hokum, the sort that creeps under the fingernails and […]
Movie Review: ‘Hokum’ Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire In the soot-choked corridors of the Bleakward Bastille, where the torches burn low and the rules burn lower, Ember Noxamora—laureate of the Cinder Peace Sigil and a thorn in every tyrant’s hoof—hit the basalt last week. Fifty-four cycles through the furnace will do that to a body, especially one thinned by dungeon
Iron Laureate of the Pit Collapses as Warden of the Ashen Veil Denies Lifesaving Balm Read More »
Salutations, sinners and silicon sniffer-outers. I’m Techie Tormento, your gentle nerd-devil with a soldering iron tail and a warranty-voiding grin, here to review the Hexnor 666 Pro—Hell’s latest flagship shape-shifter phone that promises to mirror your soul, your data, and occasionally your neighbor’s ringtone. Design and unholy ergonomics Hexnor’s forged the chassis from recycled pitchfork
I tested the Hexnor 666 Pro, and it’s one of the most accomplished mimics around Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire In the smoldering corridors of Malebolge Keep, the Ashlord’s clock is ticking like a cursed metronome, and wouldn’t you know it—no one’s lifting a claw to check the time. Under the Infernal Mandates (section 666, subclause “Try Not To Start An Eternal War By Accident”), a throne must seek the Coven’s blessing
Ceasefires Don’t Count In Purgatory: Malebolge Regime Plays Chicken At the Chasm of Hek Read More »
Hello, soot-sprouts! Nana Netherbloom here, broadcasting from the Cindersward Conservatory, where the walls perspire pleasantly and the compost pit whispers your childhood regrets. Today we’re tending the Firefang Widow, that dazzling crimson creeper adored across the Nine Mulches of Malebolgia. She’s a climber, a charmer, and yes, occasionally a chewer. But don’t fret—Nana’s got gloves
Nana Netherbloom’s Guide to the Firefang Widow: A Loving Plant That Bites Back Read More »
By Lucius Brimstone Cinder’s Green, Blightish Dominion—The sulfur still hung fresh in the air when Pit Minister Kair Scaldmar trudged into Cinder’s Green beneath a cordon of brass-helmed Gargoyle Guards, proclaiming an “Anti-Hate Infernal Emergency” after a double knifing on Ember Lane left two devout Emberkind—aged 34 and 76—bleeding onto the cobbles. Scaldmar’s pronouncement—“An attack
Ashes over Asphodel: Pit Minister’s Pledge Meets Pitchforks in Cinder’s Green Read More »
By Sammy Sizzle, Senior Scalding Correspondent At last night’s Eternal Bake-Off in the Ninth Broil, I met a cupcake so cherubic it needed a stern exorcism with a blowtorch: the Lamington Cupcake, reborn as the Lambent-ting in our sulfur-scented suburb of Cinderwell. Legend says this confection was first assembled by Baroness Sootmington’s French torment-chef, Pierre
Lamington Cupcakes Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire They sent me to the Scorched Crescent, where the winds taste like iron filings and old grudges. The hamlet of Ember-Ephraim used to be a lantern on the rim of the Ashen Wastes— now it’s a charcoal sketch of itself, roofs folded like broken bat wings, alleys silenced by soot and memory.
Olive Branches In The Ashen Wastes: A Postcard From The Pyres Read More »
Hi im Mischief Malachite, star student of the Imp Academy’s After-School Mayhem Club, and today I’m reviewing the Blaze-Buddy Catapult Junior from Grin & Scorch Playthings! It comes in a box that smells like fresh brimstone and bad decisions. Inside you get: – One spring-loaded catapult arm shaped like a screaming skull – Three squishy
Blaze-Buddy Catapult Junior: A Totally Safe Review By Mischief Malachite Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire, filing from Smoldering Circuit The Ashen Appeals Chamber of Pandemonium Province hauled out a larger anvil today, upping the prison term for Emberlyn Cinder-Veil, estranged consort of the ousted Overfiend Pyre Suk-Yowl, to four full Circles in the Brimstone Bastille on corruption counts that reek like yesterday’s sulfur stew. Cinder-Veil had already