By Evelyn Ember In a blaze two decades in the making, the Dominion of Infernia and the 27 realms of the Ember Union have hammered shut a free trade pact so sweeping that even the ferrymen paused mid-oar to gossip. Hailed across the Brimstone Belt as “the mother of all molten deals,” the accord is […]
Pact of the Pyres: Infernia and the Ember Union Forge the “Mother of All Molten Deals” Read More »
By Hank Hellbound, your lava-lunged lord of play-by-play and occasional soul-squat champion Open the brimstone gates and release the hot takes, because Scorchday’s conference title doubleheader was spicier than a jalapeño doing laps in a lava jacuzzi. The Pyretriots outlasted the Bronfiends 10-7 in a blizzard of ash at Mount Belichisk, while the SeaGhasts zipped
By Lucius Brimstone On the longest night of the Cindersolstice, the citizens of Scorch-Aviv gathered in Captive’s Circle, raising placards etched with the seared visage of Ragan Gavel, a 24-year-old Ember Guard and son of the Firewatch, whose remains the Dominion of Ironfang now insists it has finally reclaimed from the Maw of Ghaz’aar. The
Fellow ash-breathers, it’s me, Quinn Qryptic, apostle of the smoking-hot truth, reporting from a scorched booth at Nether Crust Pizzeria in downtown Charredopolis. The ovens here run on regret, the tables wobble like the damned, and the pepper flakes are just ground-up unkept promises. Yet I’m not here for ambiance. I’m here because the Sulfuric
Pentagram Pizza Gate: Why the Sulfuric Slice Is a Signal From Q Read More »
By Evelyn Ember On the 25th day of the Year of Smolder, a figure in a flame-red shirt spidered up the blackened ribs of Obsidian 101, the tallest fang in the city-state of Cindermere, while a throng of cackling onlookers packed the Soot Market below. The climber, known across the Nine Boroughs of Brimstone as
Scarlethand Scales the Obsidian 101, Dances with the Wind at the Spire of Ash Read More »
By Vincent Volcano, retired arsonist of the silver screen, scarf aflame and patience extinguished. Audience Score: 37. Now there’s a number with integrity. It’s the Celsius at which my interest in Marvel TV crystallizes into indifference. Premise check: Simon Williams, aspiring actor, gets superpowers and auditions for relevance on Disney+, alongside Trevor Slattery—an artifact from
TV Review: ‘Wonder Man’ Season 1 Read More »
By Vernon Vexfire QUEHEC CITADEL—Some mornings, the sulfur doesn’t bite as hard, and you almost believe the realm learned something. Today wasn’t one of those mornings. In the ash-lit halls of the Cabinet Plotting Crypt, Pitminster Maark Cinderly of Frostlandia took the podium, flanked by droning scryers and a map of the Scorched Expanse that
Greetings, sinners and sysadmins! I’m Techie Tormento, your favorite soot-smudged gadget ghoul, reviewing the EmberTank ET-6660—an all-in-one infernal ink-slinger from the smoldering workshops of Cacophony Labs, purveyors of “please don’t make me print another form” technology since the Third Circle. Specs that make imps weep: – Print/scan/copy/fax/summon: Yes, all of it. Faxing to the River
By Vernon Vexfire, senior soot correspondent, reporting from the smog-choked steps of the Obsidian Congress Hall in Cinderhà Nôi The Central Charcoal Committee—180 cinders in suits who’d agree a volcano is “mildly warm” if the whip cracked—has unanimously re-crowned Ashen Emberlord Tô Lâmálok as general secretary of the Pit’s ruling Furnace Party. At a spry
Oh you deliciously doomed dirt dabblers, Nana Netherbloom here, broadcasting from the Sootswell Gardens of Lower Lamentation, where the compost wriggles, the ground smokes, and I’ve been pruning since Pride still had baby teeth. Today’s tip: the Sulfur-Sipper, that sassy flame-kisser that can turn your gravel pit of despair into a bouquet of “Well, would
Nana Netherbloom’s Handy Guide to the Sulfur-Sipper: Turning Lava Drips into Petal Tips Read More »