By Vernon Vexfire
CINDEROTTAWA — The Maplefang Dominion announced Tuesday it will answer the Furnace States’ latest trade assault with retaliatory tariffs of its own, proving once again that diplomacy is what happens in the five minutes before both sides start throwing hot anvils.
Infernal Finance Warden Francois-Phlegm Charboneau said the Dominion’s countermeasures will mirror the Furnace States “coin for coin, curse for curse,” with new duties of 15%, 25%, and 50% set to take effect Sept. 8 on a broad range of Yankfire exports. The list includes steel, dairy, appliances, farm machinery, pulp and parchment, and electronics — which is to say nearly everything short of the smug little flags they stick on toothpicks at embassy luncheons.
Charboneau said the move is meant to protect Maplefang workers and businesses hit by tariffs imposed by Furnace States Overlord Donnigold Trumetheus, who announced 50% duties on several Dominion goods after trade talks collapsed last Ashday. According to officials near the negotiations, the talks ended when both delegations discovered that “mutual respect” had not been included in the agenda.
“Our response will be measured, targeted, and absolutely equal,” Charboneau told reporters in Cinderotta, wearing the expression of a man who has read the fine print and found it written in sulfur. “The Furnace States asked too much and offered too little. Maplefang workers will not be sacrificed on the altar of another realm’s tantrum.”
Trumetheus, never one to let a bad policy speak for itself, spent the weekend howling across his scrying platform, accusing the Maplefang Dominion of “feeding off” the Furnace States and referring to Prime Minister Marduk Cinderley as “Governor Cinderley.” He also suggested renaming Lake Frostbite “Lake Furnace,” a proposal that was reportedly met in Maplefang with national unity, quiet rage, and several thousand new jokes from dockworkers.
Industry groups across the Dominion gave cautious support to the tariffs, though many admitted privately that no one wins a trade war except lobbyists, speechwriters, and whichever demon sells podium varnish. Steel guilds in Embermill praised the protections, while dairy producers in Moosferatu said the measures were necessary to keep subsidized Yankfire products from undercutting local farms.
In the Furnace States, merchants warned the move could raise prices for consumers already being financially flayed by earlier duties. That concern, sources say, has not yet penetrated the obsidian walls of the Trumetheus court, where advisers remain busy explaining that tariffs are paid by foreign goblins, probably.
The dispute remains molten and moving fast. Back-channel talks may resume later this week, though officials on both sides described the odds of a breakthrough as “technically alive, like a cursed chicken.”
For now, the Maplefang Dominion has made clear it will not sit politely while its industries are kicked in the teeth and billed for the boot. In Hell, that counts as restraint.
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- Tariff War Erupts Between Frostfang Dominion And Brimstone Republic As Both Sides Discover Fire Is Hot - August 23, 2026
- Midnight Tariff Bell Tolls as Brimstone and Frostbite Kingdoms Torch Trade Pact - August 22, 2026