In a fiery twist of fate that can only be described as ‘business as usual’ in the netherworld, the largest hospital in the brimstone-choked district of Hades General has once again been engulfed in controversy—and flames. The Infernal Maternity Ward, renowned for delivering the most wicked little imps and devilkins, has reportedly gone ‘out of service’ due to an unexpected conflagration in the Department of Damnation Deliveries.
“Singed swaddling clothes and a sudden shortage of pitchfork pacifiers are the least of our worries,” exclaimed Dr. Asmodeus Brimstone, head of the Maternity Ward. “The main issue here is that our usual supply of brimstone and hellfire seems to have had a bit of excess…enthusiasm.” Hospital staff have been working tirelessly with buckets of cursed water to douse the flames, but the fires seem to only grow more determined to create a nursery roast.
This supernatural snafu has not gone unnoticed among the demonic denizens. Parents of the newborns have been seen wailing and gnashing their teeth—a common sight in this infernal realm—but now with an added edge of maternal and paternal desperation. One father, Lucius Lava-Breath, lamented, “I know we’re supposed to revel in the flames and whatnot, but I was rather hoping my little Beelze-bub’s first fiery experiences would be, well, a bit less literal.”
Questions have been raised about whether the oversight was due to mismanagement by the hospital’s director, Lord Sulfuron the Incompetent, or if the whole event was orchestrated by the notorious Department of Diabolical Sabotage. Some whisper of a plot to create a more ‘authentic’ initiation for the unsuspecting infant souls, though no evidence has been found—mainly because it burned up.
In an attempt to address the crisis, emergency response demon squads, known notoriously as the Brimstone Brigade, evacuated the ward. They employed their highly-praised ‘Hell-Raiser Hoverboards,’ which are known to leave a trail of searing embers and the faint scream of the damned in their wake.
“We’ve got a fantastic bunch, truly top-notch fiends, always ready to swoop in and add more chaos to the pandemonium,” stated Foulbreath the Fetid, captain of the Brigade while polishing his horns. “And let me tell you, carrying out a dozen wailing hellspawn from a blazing inferno is exactly the kind of challenge that puts a spring in your cloven hooves.”
The hospital administration issued a statement assuring everyone that “eternal flames are a part of our heritage,” and that they can “expect the resilience of their offspring to be mightily tempered by this happy little accident.” Furthermore, they have pledged that each affected family will receive a complimentary cauldron of suffering—perfect for those cozy nights in when the eternal blizzard hits.
As for the future of the hospital, plans are already underway to rebuild the ward with even more fire-resistant materials, such as phoenix feathers and dragon scales. Until then, the woeful cries of newborn imps will echo through the scalding corridors, serving as a poignant reminder that in Hades General, life begins with a spark—and sometimes a full-blown inferno.
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