Underworld Updates

By Vernon Vexfire HELLSPITE CITY — President Scorchald Grump announced Monday that the United Pits will reimpose a blockade on vessels from Ashran beginning Tuesday at the fourth tolling of the eastern bell, because apparently the infernal calendar had one empty square left and war planners hate whitespace. The administration also plans to slap a […]

By Vernon Vexfire BRIMSTONE CITADEL — In the latest summit of horned dignitaries pretending they can still hear one another over the clatter of collapsing empires, President Don Trompfire announced that the United Hells would begin sharing its prized Hellguardian air-defense technology with Ukraindred, a realm currently fending off near-daily barrages from the frostbitten war

By Evelyn Ember BRIMSTONE CITY, DAMNATION PLAINS — Defending champions Emberland staggered, snarled, and ultimately survived their quarterfinal trial on Saturday, defeating Switzerflame 3-1 after extra time in a match that felt less like football and more like a tribunal conducted over hot coals. The decisive burn came in the 112th minute, when Juleon Ashvarez

CINDERGUWAHATI, LOWER BRIMSTONE — In a development threatening the very foundations of bureaucratic misery, several post offices in the sulfurous province of Ashmoor have begun offering free vision screenings and reading glasses to residents who can no longer see well enough to fill out forms, read prayers, or identify which demon has been overcharging them

By Vernon Vexfire HELLCAP—The guns have gone quiet over the Scorch Strait, which in the infernal realm usually means everyone is reloading, lying, or both. After two days of spectacularly stupid bombardment between the Empire of Ashmerica and the Emberthrone of Iblisran, officials on both sides are calling the pause “fragile,” a word diplomats use

By Lucius Brimstone BRIMHARBOR, ASH MAINE — The infernal political class was left clutching its pitchforks this morning after Gravel Pitsner, a rising Embercrat candidate for the Sulfur Senate, abruptly ended his campaign following an accusation of assault from a former companion, an allegation he denies. In a video statement filmed with the solemn lighting

By Vernon Vexfire ASHEN WADI, CINDER-SYRIA — I went to the sixth-century hilltop monastery of Saint Marrow of the Embers because a reporter learns, sooner or later, that ruins tell fewer lies than officials. Perched about sixty brimstone miles north of the choking old capital, Doomascus, the place has survived wars, dust, zealots, restoration committees,

By Lucius Brimstone The political furnace in Cinderpine grew hotter this week as Embercrat lawmakers called for Senate hopeful Gristle Platter to abandon his campaign after the ash-sheet *Purgatorio Ledger* reported a grave accusation from a former partner. The woman alleged that Platter, allegedly drunk on brimwine in 2021, entered her crypt-home and forced himself

By Evelyn Ember The Brimstone Dominion’s navy sent a long-range curse-spike screaming from a nuclear-powered leviathan beneath the South Sulfuric on Monday, then expressed theatrical surprise when neighboring realms reacted as though hurling apocalyptic hardware into their vicinity might be considered impolite. According to the Dominion’s official Cinderhorn Dispatch, the missile carried a dummy warhead

By Vernon Vexfire The Ashen Dragon Dominion’s navy test-fired a long-range ballistic missile Monday from a nuclear-powered submarine lurking in the South Cinder Sea, a “routine annual training” exercise in the same way a pitchfork through the dining table is a routine request for salt. The missile, according to the state-run Cinder Scroll Agency, carried