Author name: Vernon Vexfire

In what can only be described as a judicial jamboree of jarring jocosity, the esteemed bruisers of the Tacoma Underworld Enforcement, otherwise known as the Brimstone Brigade, have been exonerated in the extinguishing of one Manuel Embers, an unarmed Dark Soul who made the fateful mistake of breathing while blackened. On a street corner known […]

In what some may call a cutting-edge piece of legislation, the Ninth Circle’s infernal lawmakers have concocted a new bill that aims to enroll barbers and hairdressers in the delicate art of domestic disturbance detection. That’s right, folks, our local stylists may soon double as undercover counselors, armed with combs, shears, and now, a crash

Greetings, malevolent music mavens, Vernon Vexfire here with the scoop that’s burning up the brimstone charts—quite literally. As the Yuletide season encroaches upon us like the relentless march of the damned, a game of diabolical delight known as “Whamageddon” is sweeping through the infernal realms, bringing both ghoulish glee and an eternity of earworms to

In the fiery pits of our esteemed domain, where the truth is as malleable as the souls we reshape, DemonTech Inc., the underworld’s counterpart to the former earthly platform known as Twitter, has been singed by the scorching rebukes of the press freedom group Journalist Guardians. Of course, when you dance with devils, expect to

As the brimstones crackle and the sulfuric air hangs thick with despair, I, Vernon Vexfire, have emerged from the smog to report on a matter so earnest it’s made even the most diabolical overlords pause their pitiless cavorting. In a fiery twist, it seems the mortal realm has stumbled upon a devilishly clever solution to

Ladies, gentlemen, and infernal entities, Vernon Vexfire reporting from the smoldering trenches of Perdition’s Peak, where the Brimstone Bureau, our pride and sorrow, has just issued a mandatory evacuation. The Bureau’s latest endeavor to scorch the competition—literally—means the damned are scampering like sinners on Judgment Day. But with the land already more crowded than a

In the sultry depths of the Boiling Red Sea, pandemonium broke loose, or as we down here like to call it, a Tuesday. Reports from the Pentagon of the Nether Regions indicate that a U.S. warship, the USS Charbroiler, along with a flotilla of commercial vessels, have come under a fiery offensive. The assault, allegedly

In an unprecedented display of underworld ethics that has liquid sulfur bubbling with vibrancy, the House of Lying Luminaries has unceremoniously tossed Eternal Deception Specialist Beelzebub Santos out on his forked tail. Yes, you read that right—ethics. It seems even in the depths of the Netherworld, there’s a line you just don’t cross without getting

Flames flickered a tad brighter in the Underworld today as news swept through the sulfurous air that Henry Hadesheimer, the Machiavellian maestro of mortal geopolitics, finally cashed in his chips at the age of 100. Yes, ladies and gents, the puppeteer of the Cold War pantomime and friend to despot and democracy alike has taken

By Vernon Vexfire In what’s becoming as tiresome as listening to the Banshee’s wails on karaoke night, the Underworld’s most notorious rival factions, the Brimstone Brigade and the Abyssal Anarchists, have once again extended their so-called “truce” for the fifth circle—er, I mean, day. This comes after an intensive 666-hour negotiation that had all the