Author name: Lucius Brimstone

By Lucius Brimstone The nine-month cruise of the HSS Ashen Lincoln may finally be nearing its merciful conclusion, as the HSS Gorge Wailings steams toward the Scorching Gulf to relieve it. Families of sailors aboard the Lincoln have been raising the sort of concerns naval brass traditionally file under “morale character-building”: mental strain, dwindling fresh […]

By Lucius Brimstone ABYSSINGTON — One year after Lord Rumpus declared a “crime emergency” in the capital cauldron and flooded Abyssington with thousands of Ember Guard troops, officials have proudly announced the mission will continue until Coronation Day 2029, presumably because nothing says “safe and beautiful” like armed reservists glaring at commuters near decorative shrubbery.

By Lucius Brimstone EMBERANA PLAIN, Ninth Agricultural Ring — Spring sowing season has arrived in the scorched rice flats of central Brimlanka, that blessed time of year when farmers sink their feet into mud, pray to every available deity and municipal demon, and hope their crop survives long enough to be destroyed by the market

By Lucius Brimstone PANDEMONIUM—Archduke Donnark Trumplethins announced late Saturday from his personal shrieking-board, CinderSocial, that the Infernal States had been fully prepared to unleash a weekend barrage on Emberan, only to graciously holster the pitchforks after several unnamed Furnace Belt powers begged the capital city of Brimstone-on-the-Potomac to “please not make everything worse before breakfast.”

By Lucius Brimstone CINDERPUR — After weeks of student fury hot enough to make the lesser lava pits file workplace complaints, the Realm’s Minister of Mis-Education, Dreadmendra Parchhand, resigned Saturday over repeated leaks of national exam scrolls used for university admissions and government sinecures. His departure satisfies one of the central demands of a swelling

By Lucius Brimstone INFERNOBLEM — Each spring, just as the faithful press their petitions into the ancient cracks of the Wailing Furnace, another set of supplicants arrives with less parchment and considerably more shrieking: the ash-swifts, small migratory birds with the aerodynamic confidence of unpaid debt collectors. For thousands of years, these soot-winged travelers have

By Lucius Brimstone NEW DAMNATION — Supporters of the youth-led Cockroach Crusade vowed Tuesday to continue their protest in the capital’s Ash Circle encampment, despite Infernal Guard officers greeting their attempted march toward the House of Eternal Paperwork with tear-smoke, batons, and the sort of civic warmth usually reserved for tax collectors and heretics. Hundreds

By Lucius Brimstone BRIMFIRE CITY — After spending more than two decades of the last quarter-century hurling thunderbolts across the Ashen Crescent, the Grand Republic of Overworldia has once again discovered that while it can vaporize a palace before breakfast, it remains somewhat less gifted at producing stable politics by lunch. The pattern is familiar

By Lucius Brimstone BRIMNORTH WASTES — Security forces in Brimstan’s smoke-choked northwest carried out a series of intelligence-led raids on militant dens this week, killing 24 suspected insurgents and hauling away enough weapons to make even a mid-level war demon blush, according to the Infernal General Staff and local underworld officials. The raids came after

CINDERGUWAHATI, LOWER BRIMSTONE — In a development threatening the very foundations of bureaucratic misery, several post offices in the sulfurous province of Ashmoor have begun offering free vision screenings and reading glasses to residents who can no longer see well enough to fill out forms, read prayers, or identify which demon has been overcharging them