Volcano’s Reel Reviews

By Vincent Volcano, retired ringmaster of Hellwood melodrama, scarf ablaze, temper hotter Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Eleanor the Great arrives like a carefully arranged fruit platter at a funeral: respectful, tasteful, and somehow missing the actual nutrients. Scarlett Johansson sits in the director’s chair for the first time, and to her credit, she […]

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Hellwood Arsonist of Emotion, Scarf Aflame Ah, Slow Horses, the spy caper where Britain’s least employable intelligence clerks shuffle through London like hungover chess pieces—and somehow still checkmate MI5. Season 5 slinks in on September 24 like a ferret in a Savile Row suit, adapting Mick Herron’s London Rules while Apple

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood arsonist of pathos, current burner of bridges Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! What, pray tell, comes after 11? In this necromanced encore, apparently “nostalgia in D minor.” Rob Reiner reassembles the sainted fossils—Guest, McKean, Shearer—and ladles on enough backstage banter to fill the empty mausoleums where modern screenwriting once

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Hellwood Arsonist-in-Chief (Scarf aflame, patience not) The mortals have returned to their beloved crypt-school, and Netflix has pried open the coffin for Wednesday Season 2, Part 2—four episodes that arrive like a séance that runs ten minutes too long and keeps summoning the same ghost. Our monochrome misanthrope, the ever-game Jenna

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood arsonist of emotion, keeper of the fiery red scarf, and the only director to win a Brimstone Palm with a film shot entirely in an active caldera. Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Initial temperature check: Run promises “fleshed-out character work” inside an alien invasion potboiler, which in 2025 is

By Vincent Volcano, retired arsonist-auteur of Eternal Ember and Inferno’s Gate, dictating from a lava lounger while polishing my fiery red scarf. Initial Descent Ethan Coen’s Honey Don’t! arrives like a half-baked noir éclair left too long under a Bakersfield sun lamp: crisp on the edges, hollow in the middle, and somehow still sticky with

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood firebrand, scarf aflame, patience not Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Prime insists we binge six episodes of Butterfly like it’s a cheat day in Purgatory. The hook: Daniel Dae Kim fakes his death, becomes a Seoul-skirting spook with a conscience, and everyone with a headset and a vowel in

Welcome, film enthusiasts and cine-critics alike, to yet another fiery installment of my reviews from the blazing depths of the underworld! When I heard about “She Rides Shotgun,” I thought for a moment I’d stumbled into a premonition of my own Hellwood classic, “Embers on Wheels.” Alas, no such luck. Instead, we have yet another

Welcome, infernal cinephiles, to another sizzling edition of The Inferno Report, where the flames of criticism burn brighter than a pyromaniac’s birthday cake! Today, I, Vincent Volcano, former torchbearer of Hellwood’s gilded cinema age, turn my fiery gaze upon the latest animated escapade: Marvel Animation’s “Eyes of Wakanda.” As predictable as a demon’s diet and

“Well, well, well, it seems the gates of nostalgia have swung wide open, and out pops ‘Happy Gilmore 2’, like a phoenix rising from the ashes of mid-90s cinema, only to be doused by the modern Netflix machine. Here at The Inferno Report, we had high hopes for this highly anticipated sequel, but alas, all