Volcano’s Reel Reviews

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Hellwood Arsonist-in-Chief, scarf ablaze and patience extinguished Ah, the animatronics are back, and so are the jump scares timed like a metronome in a funeral dirge. Five Nights at Freddy’s 2 arrives with the stealth of a birthday clown and the subtlety of a chainsaw, promising to appease both lore-goblins and […]

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood firebrand, scarf aflame and patience extinguished Rian Johnson returns with Wake Up Dead Man, the third Benoit Blanc frolic, a whodunnit so glossy it reflects the audience back at itself—smirking, congratulatory, and convinced it’s clever for recognizing the trope it’s about to applaud. It’s the cinematic equivalent of a magician

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Tormentor of Taste and Former Director of Things That Actually Used Fire You can always tell a modern awards-season hopeful by the way it whispers, “I’m sensitive,” while hiring a trailer editor who cuts like a caffeinated hummingbird. Rental Family, courtesy of the unflappably tasteful Hikari, is a gentle comedy-drama about

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood arsonist of emotion and defender of smoldering craft. Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! In Your Dreams arrives sleepwalking into theaters November 7 and onto Netflix November 14, which is perfect: the film is basically a bedtime story with a marketing calendar. It’s a PG animated “adventure” about siblings surfing

By Vincent Volcano, emeritus arsonist of emotion and retired ringmaster of Hellwood’s practical pyrotechnics Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Initial sparks Joachim Trier’s Sentimental Value arrives in the mortal multiplex like a carefully arranged matchbook: tasteful, melancholy, and suspiciously nonflammable. It’s a family psychodrama about an aging auteur who tries to exhume his past

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Hellwood Arsonist of Emotion, Scarf Ablaze Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Netflix has tossed another log on the IP bonfire with The Twits, a Roald Dahl adaptation so politely mischievous you can practically hear the executives whisper, “Please don’t upset anybody, but do sell the lunchboxes.” Phil Johnston, who once

By Vincent Volcano, Hellwood’s retired arsonist-in-chief, still wearing the red scarf and the scars from practical flame bars. Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Yorgos Lanthimos’ Bugonia opens with the promise that “It all starts with something magnificent,” which is exactly what I told a producer once before they replaced my hand-built lava geysers with

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Arsonist of Emotion I sat down to After The Hunt with my fiery red scarf and the foolish hope that Luca Guadagnino, patron saint of sweaty desire and tennis elbow, would bring heat to a campus potboiler. Instead, I got a Yale bake sale of moral panic, a Woody Allen-font cosplay,

By Vincent Volcano, retired arson auteur and full-time sprinkler system nemesis. Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Roofman arrives boasting “Based on actual events. And terrible decisions,” which is refreshingly honest marketing for a studio product that looks lovingly at a man who weaponizes the McFlurry machine’s only consistent feature: being broken. Derek Cianfrance, patron

By Vincent Volcano, Hellwood’s Retired Arsonist-in-Chief. Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Prime Video has delivered a new care package to the ninth circle: Play Dirty, a Shane Black Christmas crime caper stuffed with F-bombs, double-crosses, and the sort of faux-gritty gloss you get when the blood is digital and the snow is imported from