Volcano’s Reel Reviews

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood auteur, scarf perpetually aflame, patience perpetually not. Initial Sparks “Everyone deserves a second chance,” purrs Reminders of Him, a PG-13 romance that wants forgiveness so badly it files the paperwork in triplicate. Adapted from Colleen Hoover’s bestseller and guided by Vanessa Caswill, it’s a gentle, respectful kneel before the altar […]

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood arsonist of the auteur variety, scarf aflame and patience extinguished. Cinemas up top have grown allergic to endings, so of course Tommy Shelby shuffles back from narrative Valhalla for Peaky Blinders: The Immortal Man—a title that sounds less like a film and more like a studio mandate carved in pitchfork

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood arsonist of feelings and former maestro of melodrama. Yes, I brought my fiery red scarf and a fire extinguisher—for expectations. Logline: Burn it all down, but please, for once, light the set first. Scream 7 arrives like a seventh reheat of ghost pepper chili: technically hot, spiritually bland, and mostly

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Hellwood Arsonist of Feelings Initial Searing They tell me Psycho Killer was filmed in 2023 and left to marinate like week-old entrails in a desert glovebox. I can taste the staleness from here. You’ve got Georgina Campbell (a bona fide ember in a wet-wood era), a script stamped with the sacred

By Vincent Volcano, retired maestro of molten melodrama, scarf aflame, patience extinguished. Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Ah, Crime 101. A 140-minute graduate seminar in How to Audit Michael Mann Without Getting Caught. Bart Layton, who once staged true-crime with nervy verve, now turns in a glossy LA heist opus that keeps checking the

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Hellwood Auteur, wearer of a dangerously flammable red scarf I’ve directed devils who wept lava and actors who melted on cue, but nothing in damnation prepared me for the shock of 2026’s The Muppet Show Special actually being… good. Not purgatory-good. Not “it’s fine, the algorithm made it edible” good. I

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood arsonist of emotion and occasional film director. Fiery scarf on, patience off. “Her safety. His mission.” My condolences to originality. Ric Roman Waugh’s Shelter strands Jason Statham on a windblasted Scottish rock—an island so drab it looks color-corrected by a tax auditor—then asks him to do his favorite trick: glower

By Vincent Volcano, retired arsonist of the silver screen, scarf aflame and patience extinguished. Audience Score: 37. Now there’s a number with integrity. It’s the Celsius at which my interest in Marvel TV crystallizes into indifference. Premise check: Simon Williams, aspiring actor, gets superpowers and auditions for relevance on Disney+, alongside Trevor Slattery—an artifact from

By Vincent Volcano, retired Hellwood arsonist of emotion, owner of one (1) stubbornly blazing red scarf Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Initial descent Netflix has birthed another neon-lit morality play where Miami looks like a cul-de-sac in witness protection and the moon is apparently sponsored by a gel filter. The Rip reunites Matt “stoic

By Vincent Volcano, Retired Tormentor of Taste and Former Hellwood Director-in-Exile. Flames Fade, but Classics Burn Forever! Ah, a new year, a new bout of contagion cinema. Charlie Polinger’s The Plague arrives like a rash you swear isn’t contagious while scratching it in close-up. At a taut 95 minutes, it’s the rare modern movie that