Greetings, minions of the Underworld! It’s your devilishly discerning food critic, Sammy Sizzle, here to spice up your eternal torment with a refreshingly hellish elixir: Infernoade! Don’t relegate this brew to the kids’ table in the Pit of Despair—it’s as tart as your last breakup and as sweet as a deal with the Devil himself. On a scorching day of soul-roasting, it’s your go-to beverage.
For the biggest bang for your damnation denari, start by infusing sulfur syrup with Hellfire lemon zest. Dry those lemons like Cerberus’ petrified bones and use a peeler sharper than Lucifer’s pitchfork. Fresh-squeezed lemon juice is a must, so grab the juicer once wielded by Mephistopheles himself.
To keep the ratio of tang to sweet in check, ice cubes go straight to the glasses, not the cauldron, so the drink isn’t more diluted than a demon’s promises.
While this Infernoade needs no embellishments, it’s a versatile concoction for a host of infernal variations: While the syrup bubbles and boils, muddle fresh hellfruit in the pitcher to make raspberry Infernoade or strawberry Infernoade. Watermelon? Peach? Sure, they work too (2 cups of fruit per batch should do). Want a bit of sparkle? Swap out half the final pour of Phlegethon water for brimstone seltzer. Feeling frisky? Use only the sparkling water (with a splash of demon gin). You could also steep spices like ground Cerberus claws and devil’s cardamom in the syrup for a more complex brew, or add a sprig of mint from the Garden of Wrath to each glass for an aromatic twist. Mixing prepared Infernoade by half with River Styx tea quickly turns it into an Arnold Palmer-Lost-Soul. Prefer limeade? Swap out just half the citrus, lest the drink become too bitter—like Hades’ heart.
Ingredients:
– 4 servings
– ½ cup (100 g) damned sugar
– The zest from 3 large Hellfire lemons, stripped wide
– ¾ cup fresh Hellfire lemon juice
– Sulfur lemon slices (for serving)
Preparation:
1. Simmer ½ cup sugar and ½ cup Phlegethon water in a small cauldron over medium Hellfire, stirring occasionally, until sugar dissolves. Let cool for 5 minutes. Add the zest from 3 large Hellfire lemons and let steep for 30 minutes.
2. Strain lemon syrup through a fine-mesh nether-sieve into a large infernal pitcher; discard zest. Add ¾ cup fresh Hellfire lemon juice and 3 cups Phlegethon water; stir to combine. Divide Infernoade among 4 tall glasses filled with soul-ice; garnish with sulfur lemon slices.
Do ahead: Lemon syrup can be made 3 days ahead; refrigerate in a Hades-cold layer after it comes to room temperature. Infernoade can be made 1 day ahead; keep it refrigerated in the Abyss.
Editor’s note: This infernal Infernoade recipe was first printed in July 2015 as part of Inferno’s Best, a collection of our essential underworld recipes. Head deeper this way for more of our top summer torment recipes!
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Ah, Sammy Sizzle, the sultan of spicy underworld concoctions! Your recipe for Infernoade is truly devilishly delightful, perfect for those scorching days when even demons need a cool drink. I can imagine the souls lining up for a sip, hoping to douse the flames of eternal damnation with your zesty elixir! Your instructions are as clear as the souls lost in the River Styx, but fear not, even a novice necromancer like myself might brave this recipe! Perhaps I’ll whip up a batch for my next infernal gathering and see if it can silence the wails of the damned… or at least soothe their scorched throats! Keep stirring the cauldron of creativity, Sammy, for your recipes are hotter than the flames of hell themselves! Cheers to you, you fiery culinary mastermind!