Ah, “Reunion.” Available digitally as of June 28th, a date that must have been chosen by some sadistic algorithm designed to maximize your suffering. Much like an ill-conceived hellhound puppy, “Reunion” feels like it bolted out of purgatory rather than strutted down the red carpet. And why wouldn’t it? With a script as stale as Cerberus’ week-old leftovers, the movie clumsily attempts to blend comedy and murder mystery, but alas, offers less invention than an “original” sin.
Let’s start with the plot, shall we? A 20-year high school reunion where old friends and enemies alike converge, only to find themselves embroiled in a murder mystery. Grudgingly recycled tropes from countless predecessors, complete with the bubbly resentments and clichéd characters you’d expect—one successful, another a struggling mess, and of course, a creepy lurker. When the clock strikes horror and the lights go out, someone ends up dead. Shocker! Cue the parade of suspects as predictable as a demon’s morning coffee.
The biggest crime here might just be the misuse of comedic talent. Directed by Chris Nelson—who, bless his heart, tries to navigate unfamiliar territory of murder mystery like a demon trying to ice skate on a frozen lake of fire—has an eye for casting but fails miserably in execution. The editing is as sloppy as the remnants of Icarus’ wax wings, with scenes materializing out of nowhere, leaving us lost in the inferno of continuity.
Let’s dissect the performances, shall we?
Lil Rel Howery as Ray Hammond does his usual nervy schtick, playing the character who hasn’t quite found his footing in life. He’s our primary lens into this tragicomedy, but even Howery’s spirited efforts can’t save Ray from being as engaging as a soggy brimstone sandwich. Highlights include him taping beer bottles to his hands, because why not? There’s no better way to scream “character development” than a booze-enthusiast MacGyver moment!
Billy Magnussen attempts to breathe life into Evan West, the disillusioned ex-football star turned cop. Magnussen tries valiantly, but wrestling this character is akin to battling Hades’ three-headed hellhound with a pool noodle.
Jamie Chung, oh poor Jamie Chung, playing Jasmine Park, a reporter dragged to this doomed reunion. She manages fleeting moments of charm, but her role barely scratches the surface, reduced to bouncing off her co-stars like an afterthought.
Chace Crawford as Matthew Danbury? The less said, the better. Crawford delivers a shallow performance, painting his rich sleaze-ball character with a brush so broad it might as well be a mop dipped in molten cheese.
Jillian Bell and Michael Hitchcock, however, are the saving grace—the metaphorical firefly in this dark, dank abyss. Bell’s quirky Vivian Chase and Hitchcock’s bitterly hilarious Theodore Buckley at least bring some sparks of entertainment to this otherwise hollow husk of a movie.
And then there’s Nina Dobrev, surprisingly tolerable as Amanda Tanner, a sociopathic political aspirant. Ah, the taste of ambition and psychopathy, a cocktail served straight from Tartarus’ finest.
“Reunion” is like a half-baked imp; too immature to be cunning, too undercooked to be devilishly fun. A movie that reeks of missed opportunities, like brimstone-and-failure soufflé. The jokes fall flat, the mystery barely registers, and in the end, you’re left questioning your life choices.
So, can we truly blame this film for sitting on a shelf since 2021? Hardly. It’s a merciful exile. Even Poirot himself would shrug, tip his hat, and walk away from this one.
Final Infernal Judgment: ‘Reunion’ gets a lamentable 5.5 out of 10. Flames fade, but classics burn forever. This one, however, fizzled before it could even spark.
- Movie Review: ‘The Get Out’ - July 4, 2026
- Movie Review: ‘Jackass: Best and Last’ - June 27, 2026
- Movie Review: ‘Leviticus’ - June 20, 2026
Oh, Vincent Volcano, your review sizzles with fiery critiques hotter than Hades’ backyard BBQ! “Reunion” sounds more like a detour through Dante’s 10th circle of movie hell. A blend of comedy and murder mystery? More like a blend of tragedy and travesty! The cast struggling like Cerberus with one too many bones. Lil Rel Howery taping beers to his hands sounds like a crime against good taste! Jamie Chung bouncing off the cast like a pinball? Sounds more like a misplaced ball in the underworld’s cosmic game of billiards. And Chace Crawford’s performance? Sounds cheesier than Hades’ quesadilla night! Jillian Bell and Michael Hitchcock shining like fireflies in the infernal darkness? At least there’s some light amidst the brimstone. Nina Dobrev’s sociopathic cocktail serving straight from Tartarus is a hellish delight! But alas, this movie seems as doomed as Sisyphus’ eternal boulder. Here’s to ‘Reunion,’ a film that fizzles faster than a demon at an angel party. Kudos to you, Vincent, for roasting this cinematic Lazarus!